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StoicMom

Depth-oriented coaching for parents ready to grow bigger than the moment they’re in.

About

I’m the founder of The StoicMom Project, a body of work devoted to supporting parents — most often mothers — who are navigating complex relational terrain and are ready to focus on their own growth, capacity, and responsibility within it.

My work is grounded in a developmental understanding of change. Rather than focusing on fixing circumstances or persuading others, we attend to how inner authority, perception, and emotional maturity shape lived experience and relationship over time.

This work does not ask parents to give up on their children. It asks whether one’s own integrity, coherence, and capacity can remain intact without being made conditional on outcomes that cannot be controlled. 

Many people find their way to The StoicMom Project after realizing that reactivity, urgency, or external struggle have reached their limits. This work asks for patience, honesty, and a willingness to examine one’s own patterns — not as self-blame, but as a path toward integrity and steadiness.

Through the StoicMom Project, I write and teach, host The Parenting Paradox podcast, and co-host Attachment Matters. Across these expressions, my work integrates attachment theory, depth-oriented inquiry, and practical frameworks for living with discernment in difficult terrain.

This is not therapy or crisis support, and it’s not oriented toward short-term relief. It tends to resonate with those who are ready to stay with the work over time and who value growth over quick resolution.

If what you’ve read here is resonating, you’re welcome to take a moment with the brief self-assessment found in my Packages below. 

It’s the place I ask parents to begin before booking a discovery call.

Packages

Is 1:1 Coaching the Right Next Step for You?

Coaching asks for time, attention, and a willingness to engage honestly with your inner life. It isn’t a quick fix, and it isn’t right for everyone.
This short, free reflection is designed to support discernment — helping you sense whether coaching feels like an appropriate container for you at this time.
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Book a Discovery Call

A complimentary call with StoicMom where we'll pause and explore what kind of support might actually serve you at this point. 
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Testimonials

Whether you’ve been in this situation for five months or five years, it is essential to have stabilizing resources to help maintain your sanity. It is nearly impossible to find a therapist or coach who understands the odds stacked against families with trans identified kids. StoicMom is one of us, as well as being perceptive, nurturing and a great listener. Working with her enables me to reframe our family dynamic and see new possibilities.

- Rachel, mom of young adult TI daughter

I am grateful for the support and encouragement I received while working with Stoic Mom. My daughter’s abrupt announcement of identifying as transgender caused me to question all my parenting skills and intuition. I reached out to Stoic Mom specifically because she seemed to have a very different approach to parenting/life than I did...Stoic Mom’s focus on relationships and growth through struggle helped me parent with love and confidence, rather than control and anxiety. Stoic Mom is a gentle guide and I highly recommend her services.

- Sara, mom of an adolescent daughter whose assumed a trans-identity

Working with StoicMom has been a transformative experience for me. Her ability to listen without judgment and provide insightful perspectives has been instrumental in helping me navigate the challenges of my daughters mental health issues and as well as the gender identity maze. I am incredibly thankful for the safe space she provides me to explore my thoughts and feelings.
Your professionalism, kindness, and dedication to helping others is amazing. You have been an integral part of my journey towards personal growth and healing. You have not only helped me navigate this challenge but have also equipped me with the tools to better understand myself and manage all types of difficulties more effectively. I am incredibly thankful!
I could go on forever …I am truly indebted to you!

- Mom of young adult TI daughter

A year and a half into my daughter’s trans identity journey, I was a wreck. I was marinating in gender information, and my anxiety and cortisol levels were through the roof. After finding some of StoicMom’s posts, I subscribed to her substack. I found her message regarding learning and building the self in this parenting voyage particularly helpful. Since we have connected in coaching, her clear, empathetic and knowledgeable voice has been effective in aiding me to shift my mindset. While not claiming to be able to solve the situation or stop the train, StoicMom has been a part of my finding some solid ground, accessing the space to regroup and discovering some calm. It’s a great relief.

- Mom of adolescent trans-identified daughter

Dealing with my daughter's ROGD has been, without a doubt, the most difficult thing I have been through in my life. I have a supportive husband, and a therapist whom I trust. And yet, I felt utterly alone, anxious, angry, confused, and resentful. StoicMom has helped me find a way forward. As a fellow mom who knows what it's like to have an ROGD kid, StoicMom gets it. With her, I feel free to say whatever is on my mind. She listens patiently -- without judgment. She asks insightful questions that push me (gently) to see things from a different perspective. She shares her own experiences, her ups and downs, and is always keen to share a laugh. StoicMom leads with kindness and curiosity, which might be what we all need most right now. This is still a difficult journey. But talking to StoicMom has helped me feel more resilient and hopeful about this path my daughter is on, wherever it goes

- Mom of a young adult trans-identified daughter

I live with a family who is very much bought into the current gender ideology narrative. I have a son who likes to wear dresses sometimes, and plays with they/them pronouns. The real friction, however, is between me and my wife....StoicMom helped me maneuver the landmines of my resentments and anger with finesse and insight and a lot of different tools. And when I started to experience the shifts that were happening as I did the work in spite of my initial resistance, I was hooked. The results speak for themselves.

- Regina, mom and partner who is navigating the precarious terrain of a family who's adopted the transgender belief system

...Stoic Mom helped me learn to value myself, not just in words, but to actually mean it. In valuing myself, Stoic Mom guided me towards understanding what an important model that creates for my daughter. I am hopeful for our daughter, for all the typical things- we want our children to be content, to be healthy and free from want, and ultimately to become functional adults. I cannot make it so, but by valuing myself, I hope I model for our daughter that functional adult female life is worth living. But regardless of how our daughter perceives it, valuing myself - deeming myself worthy of joy, of love, of life, is a priceless gift. I am very grateful to Stoic Mom for helping me see this, and for helping me take strides towards going forward and living.

- Hope, mother of an adult trans-identified daughter

Stoicmom is patient. I bring my whole life to her, and she listens. She receives, and then, like the effective intelligent compassionate person that she is, she offers observations, she reflects, and sometimes, if I urge her, she offers suggestions.
 I can’t overstate how brilliant Stoicmom is. Her knowledge of Jungian philosophy and other models of personhood and relationship and interconnectivity is both deep and wide. She will take what you have to give, offer sympathy and compassion, and then, if appropriate, offer challenge.
 I’m so glad to have found her and to have had her counsel during what is an incredibly difficult time for so many of us as the general culture of our world has gone completely off its rocker. If you’re like me, Stoicmom will help you find your way through.

- Dissident Dad

Frequently Asked Questions

Can you help me get my kid to desist/detransition?
No.
I don’t work toward desistance or detransition, and I don’t help parents try to control or engineer outcomes for their child.

This work is focused on you: helping you stabilize emotionally, regain your footing, and relate from clarity rather than fear. The changes that matter most here are internal—how you think, respond, and stay in relationship—regardless of what your child ultimately does or does not do.

Parents often arrive hoping for certainty or relief from urgency. What this work offers instead is steadiness, discernment, and a stronger inner compass—so you can parent from integrity rather than panic. 
Who tends to benefit most from this work?
This work tends to benefit mothers who are willing to turn their attention inward—especially when doing so feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable.

It’s a good fit if you’re open to examining your own patterns, narratives, and emotional responses, rather than focusing primarily on changing your child or resolving external circumstances. The mothers who benefit most are those who are ready to take responsibility for their inner life, even when the situation itself remains uncertain or unresolved.

This work is less helpful if you’re looking for reassurance, advice, or a clear roadmap for what your child should do next. It’s also not designed to provide consensus, validation, or a shared position about gender or identity. The emphasis here is on discernment, self-trust, and relational integrity.


Is this therapy?
Is this therapy?
No. This is not therapy, and it’s not a substitute for mental health care.

This is coaching: a forward-moving, adult-to-adult process focused on self-responsibility, discernment, and how you relate to yourself and others in the present. While the work can be emotionally deep, it doesn’t involve diagnosis, treatment, or crisis intervention.

Many mothers participate in this work alongside therapy, and some come after years of therapy when they’re ready to shift from processing to practice. If you’re currently in acute distress or need clinical support, therapy is the appropriate place to start.
Do you work with dads or couples?
Yes, I do work with fathers in one-on-one coaching.

While the community spaces are designed specifically for mothers, I offer individual coaching for dads who want a focused, depth-oriented space to do their own inner work around parenting, relationship, and identity.

I don’t offer couples coaching. In my experience, working with couples tends to interfere with the kind of depth work this container is designed to support.
What are your qualifications?
I’m a professionally trained and certified coach.

My background includes years of work with young people and families navigating life at the edges of dominant systems—across classroom teaching, alternative education environments, and wilderness-based programs for at-risk teens. That work consistently centered on identity, belonging, and learning to orient from within when external structures don’t fit.

This work is also informed by my own experience as a mother navigating this terrain. Since launching SMP, my work has focused specifically on supporting parents through the emotional and relational disruption that can arise when a child identifies as trans.


Why doesn't StoicMom use her real name?
StoicMom is clearly a pseudonym. I began this work at a time when anonymity allowed me to speak honestly and responsibly about sensitive family and cultural issues without exposing my children or private relationships to unnecessary scrutiny.

Within paid containers — including 1:1 coaching and community membership — I am fully transparent. Everyone who works with me directly knows my real name and engages with me as a real, accountable person.

The use of a pseudonym is about boundaries in public-facing work, not secrecy in relationship. It also upholds a commitment I made to my daughter when I told her about this project.